To Sex-Change or not to Sex-Change, That is the question!
So just this past week I finally got my two approval letters from my psychiatrists for the final surgery…
Thats right the big snip and it has left me wondering if this is really the path I want to go down, after talking to many pre and post op girls over the past few months I am left with two trains of thoughts.
- I want to have this done because its the last remaining part of me that is a constant reminder of where I have come from and how much of a repulsion that part of me is.
- What will my romantic life be after I have the surgery.
My main reason for asking this of myself is that so many have said that there love life was so much better before they had the surgery and a few girls have even said that they are treated as more of a freak now than they were before.
I know that this is more than likely just nerves and that I am just being silly but I cant help but think this is probably one of the biggest decisions I can make in my life.
I know in the past that guys have said that I looked cute with a little thing hanging between my legs, but does this mean I wouldn’t be as appealing with a vagina.
oh such confusion…
somebody clear up the mess in my head for me!
Hi Vi,
I guess you’re just sort of talking out loud, but I’m up for a chat
First, I think you already know deep down what you really want. From what I have gleaned about you from your blog, you not only had the courage to transition while you were quite young but also started your own business. Many people just kind of float through life (I like to call ‘em floaters
) while others will have a destination in mind and do what it takes to get there. I think for transwomen (and transmen too) this is especially true as it takes so much to reach that end goal that they must have this unwavering determination to see it through.
I’m not sure, but I guess you’re into guys from your post and it doesn’t sound like you plan on going stealth (if you are, this blogs not helping!) so does that mean you are looking for a man-woman relationship where he knows you’re transgendered? Call me a romantic but whoever you’re with should love you as you are, not for any specific parts you may or may not have.
You probably know heaps more transgendered people than I do, but are you saying that most transwomen you know had a better sex life before grs? And that people think worse of them for having it?? You should join the Trueselves forum if you’re not already a member. It’s for gen x and y transitioners and most of the feedback I have heard has been overwhelmingly positive regarding sex after surgery.
I agree that it is a big decision for you and you know, whatever you decide is OK. Don’t let other peoples expectations influence you at all. I guess in the end it all comes down to how you perceive yourself – and of course, how you like to make love
Kris
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Hey Vi,
This thought has resinated throught out my mind for many years.
I too have spoken with transwomen who have gone through SRS/GRS.Some
did lose their desire and some kept that desire..I believe your mental state has a lot to do with your sexuality.I have met many women who had been depressed and down while going through transition and didn’t really have a sexual desire…before..or after. I would
definately want to keep that feeling and sensation after SRS/GRS.That is something that has worried me greatly as well.The A sexual effect after surgery worries me.I want to keep my desire as a woman..Hopefully.
If you are content with in and know what you truly want then there can be no regrets.I am waiting until i am 32-33 to have surgery,just 30 now.In those few years i will do all i can to make sure i have a normal love life and desire after surgery.
Not that i have really being in a relationship,just had good friends.
I know surgery will complete me in many ways but the journey will continue,well after SRS/GRS.I was born with male genitals and they should not be there..Although i don’t know any differently at the moment,they are just there…One day they will be gone..Its funny like that at times.
Anyway,you have a really good sense of self and these questions are very healthy,if you were not asking them there would be room for concern.
Take it a day at a time and think carefully about your final decision.
There is no rush….is there?
As one woman said to me,who had had SRS/GRS.’Jade,i don’t care about whats between your legs and you don’t care whats between mine.’ We are people…first and for most.You are still Vi,now and after surgery…
Not that i am a Philosopher although i like to think so at times…lol.
Take care and if you ever need to chat,
You have my e:mail address.
Jade/Jayme.
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If I could choose, I would defiantly choose sex-change. Because, I wouldn’t feel female yet with something so male still attached to me. But that’s me, I wouldn’t know how you feel. If you think that you will be happier without undergoing transition, that’s your choice. But it shouldn’t have to do with what other people will think of you, your choice should be about what you think is best for you.
Also, about your romantic life, after surgery, wouldn’t you be able to have a relatively normal romantic life? There wouldn’t be any secret, no “Oh, by the way boyfriend, I have boy parts!”
But you do what you want. I hope things work out.
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2 cents. I am fairly new along this path, but somehow futher than others. Age? Who knows.
We hear talk about breaking the gender binary, but this is the same issue. It’s ‘transition’ not endgame. Everyone needs to find the place at which they are comfortable in their own skin. not what society expects, not what others tell you, but what your heart and soul tell you. And searching that out before nmaking a big decision makes sense. There is always time to go forward (just look at me) but never enough time to go back.
For me I’ve never considered not going all the way, but having met and worked with so many over the last year I’ve come to understand and accept that what is good for me is not always in the best interest of others. We each need to choose out own path.
Also that applies to sexuality. Some trans like men (straight?), some women (lesbian? (me)), and some anything that moves (grin). But our perceptions change. I have always preferred women over men as partners, but ZI am seriously dating another transwoman..and I only see her as a woman even though she’s pre-op.
Our mind is out biggest reference point. What it can accept runs the gamut. Find your own path, and be safe and well.
Alissia
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