It has been a bit of a whirlwind tour of New York and I am now finally in LA where I will be staying for at least the next year, I found myself in LAX early yesterday morning and managed to get me a Taxi to my new home in Burbank which I was curious and nervous to see.

Finally after about an hour and a bit I arrived at the real estate agents in Burbank only to realize that they didn’t open for another 2 hours, by this time my taxi was gone but I was lucky enough to find a cute little restaurant that was serving breakfast and settled there until the real estates agents was open, got my keys and called for another taxi to take me to the place I would be living for at least a year. It is a scary thing renting a place over the internet when you haven’t seen it in person, especially when I had never actually been to Burbank before… LOL.

At last I was there after a short drive and was pleasantly surprised to find that the place was lovely and the neighborhood seemed peaceful too, coming from Adelaide and living most my life in the Hills I am quite use to small towns and little traffic, but I would be crazy to think that I could avoid this in LA.

I had a chance to freshen up and take a long relaxing bath which is something I missed a lot for the past few years as every where I have lived has been bath free so I relished the chance to soak and relax with some good music.

After my relaxing morning I decided that it was time to get my life into order, it is quite unbelievable how much life admin you have to do when you move to a different country. Number one on the list headed to DMV (my god that is like hell on earth) to get my international drivers permit, that took about 3 hours – 2 and half more than it should have. Then to the bank to setup an account for me to use while I am hear followed by lunch at the Burbank empire center that place was like heaven on earth with Wendy’s for lunch we don’t have them in Australia, Krispy Kreme’s for desert (we have these but not in my home town) so a real treat for me that I am sure in a few months I will be over but anywho.

After lunch I headed to BestBuy and got myself a new set of headphones and a new iMac for home and a espresso machine because I gotta have my coffee.

The rest of the day was a bit of a blur I met one of my neighbors Cynthia she was lovely and for a 35yr old has a fantastic body, she told me almost immediately to call her Cindy which I thought was funny because my friends in Australia use to always joke that I should change my name to Cindy and become a stripper, well at least this Cindy would have had the body for it, Damn it she still does… LOL

So back at home I am unpacking all my stuff and working out what I have to do tomorrow and the rest of the weekend and I hear a knock at the door and there is Cindy and her husband Greg who are offering to take me out for dinner as I am new in town, I probably squealed a little to eagerly at the offer and asked if I had time to change to which they said that they would pick me up at 8.

I quickly jumped back in the shower, dried off, straightened my hair and put on my favorite dress that I bought in Melbourne (Australia) and had just enough time to put a little makeup on before Cindy was back at my door, Greg and Cindy took me to a fantastic Japanese restaurant called Kabuki in downtown Burbank, we chatted for hours and drank heaps which I am now regretting but all in all it was an awesome welcome to my new home.

I even mentioned that I was transsexual and they were really open and caring about it all, its actually a really nice feeling to feel safe in a town I have only been in for one night.

Here’s to a new beginning again…

My house mate and I decided that it would be nice to head down to McLaren Vale for some wining and dinning in one of the worlds most beautiful wine regions.

I thought that it would be nice to take one of the couple in my car and the other 4 could travel in there car which was perfect.

One of my friends is a bit of a hobby photographer and snapped a whole heap of photos throughout the day which I will get around to uploading here eventually, but he also loved my car and took a few gorgeous photos one of which is below. Unfortunately for me I am completely in love with my car for a number of reasons, Number 1 it is just the most beautiful car in the world to drive, Number 2 its the first car that I have had that I got brand new, and Number 3 which is probably the most important reason I was given it as a present from my grandpa when he passed away.

Anywho my 2008 Audi is very very dear to me and because of the big move I have decided to sell her. As of tomorrow I should have been taking her into the local dealership here in Adelaide. That was until today!

Whilst we were having our lunch today in the fantastic Primo Estate (if you are in South Australia this is a winery not to be missed) and our cars were parked outside in the car park some smart ass decided that it would be nice to Key both of our cars, writing “FAG” into the front of my friends car and for me a annoying large scratch right across the front of the car. hummmfff…

I know in the last few post I have been talking a little about my emotions and feelings being amplified and out of control well this was a great example, as soon as I had, had a little time to process exactly what someone had done to my car I burst into tears, I am not really sure what made me completely lose it like I did, maybe the stress of everything lately maybe the lack of sleep I don’t know but I was balling.

Once consolled by my friends I mangeaged to pull myself together and enjoy the rest of the day but when I got home and really assesed the damage I was right back into tears again, even writing this now about 9 hours after I got home I am still angry, annoyed and saddened that my car has been defiled.

I know that its going to be expensive to fix and I am not sure that insurance will cover it but fingers crossed. the most painful thing is that I now have to leave the car in my mums hand to sell it after its been fixed.

Well this has been Viola’s Gripe of the day… Hope you enjoyed it. Sorry I blurred the number plates guys and girls cant have you stalking my mum. LOL jk

In the words of the great Steve Page (Barenaked Ladies)

I’m havin’ a bad day
there’s nothin you can do or say
to help me thru this bad day
I think I’ll just stay in my room

Hugz

-Vi

But now with the big move coming up and the extraordinary amount of time I have seemed to come up with lately I finally had a chance to travel. Partly on my own, some with family and other times with friends. I went from Adelaide to Melbourne by plane where I stayed and traveled Victoria a little for a week and also had the chance to catch up with my sister who lives there before my parents turned up and we all went to Queensland together, that was a blast got to go to all the theme parks and do lots of relaxing which I have become quite good at now, had minor fight slash conversation with my mother over bathers, my body and what she wasn’t prepared for which you can read about in my last post if you haven’t already.

Then up to Noosa to meet up with my friends for the rest of the trip, or so I thought.

A few days after catching up with them one of them got some bad news about her Dad passing away and she had to fly back to Adelaide, and she took her boyfriend and one of the other with her leaving me and Sophie who didn’t really know each other that well seeing as we had only met once before this trip alone. We got to know each other very well over the next few days as we had massages and facials, and did lots and lots of sunbathing which gave me a wicked tan and just generally enjoyed ourselves. On the 10th day in Noosa I decided to tell Sophie that I was trans I figured if she hadn’t already be told by the others or guessed for herself then I might as well let the cat out of the bag.

Well that night we were at a restaurant called Bistro C in Noosa Heads when I decided that it was time to tell, at first she took it okay open mouth style a little shocked but good I thought. Everything was going great she didn’t believe me at first and had an onslaught of questions for me to answer which I obliged but then the questions started to turn towards our mutual friends and how upset she was that they hadn’t told her that she was on holiday with a “Tranny” as she put. which I didn’t like and told her. this went on for quite sometime before we decided to call it a night, with a short Taxi back to the hotel which was good because the awkwardness wasn’t easy and the cab driver kept on hitting on Sophie and I which was just making things worse. Well the next morning Sophie decided that she wanted to go home and that she needed to talk to Bec and Dekota our other friends about their betrayal which was hard words for me to hear but all the same I wasn’t looking forward to the conversations that would arise from her talks with them. I decided that I would stay the next few nights because I needed the escape and relaxation.

When I got back to Adelaide Bec, Dakota, Sophie and I all went out for drinks at Fumo Blue’s to discuss what had transpired in Noosa, before Sophie arrived I had a chance to talk to Bec about how she was doing with the loss of her dad and all and what she made of everything that happened with me and Sophie in Nossa, regarding Sophie and I she said that Sophie over reacted and was just a little weired out about it all, she said that Sophie had assumed that I was more of a predator using this disguise as a women to lure unsuspecting women. I actually laughed at that the thought of me doing that number one was hilarious but then the thought of anyone going to this much trouble just to trick unsuspecting people was so far beyond anything that I had come across before that it had me in tears of laughter, Sophie arrived and apologized to me and said that she hoped we could still be friends because she had, had a great time up until our dinner together, she also said that she would understand if I didn’t want to know her. I said that I would need a chance to sit down with her alone and really answer any questions that she had but that I would like it if we could mend those bridges and get on with being friends.

My main thoughts were if I get the chance to really nut out her fears or problems that she had with me in Noosa it might help her adapt and she me as just another one of the girls, I am also hoping that it will give me a chance to dispel any of the myths that she may have and give her the right catch phrases to refer to Transsexual women with.

Well I am meeting with her on Tuesday next week so I will let you know how it goes, if anyone has advice on what I should bring up let me know or even if you just want to write me a comment coz you like me LOL

Loves Ya

-Vi

I have been on holidays for the past few weeks and have had a hard time getting to a PC with a net connection. So now I feel the need to catch you all up on Part 2 of “Am I Mental or is it just the Hormones”

I am back at home now with my beautiful new Mac, which for some of you was an open ended question that I neglected to answer becuase of my lack of iPhone Skill, you know you would think that me being all techy and all that I would be up with all this new technology but to tell you the truth I cant get use to the whole touch screen thing I feel like I have fat fingers sometimes but I really don’t talk about giving a girl a complex Thanks Apple…. No really I love you, it is probably just my iPhones general disregard for my Twitter addiction and the Echofon app making life difficult.

Anywho enough rambling, this post will continue on from my last and furthermore add to the general mental state and well-being of an early twenties transsexual.

What I like romantic stuff now…I know right when did that happen…

Beats me but all I know is that the old days of Die Hard and Rocky have been replaced by the dashing looks of Hugh Grant and touching love stories like The Notebook. What is happening to me, am I lost somewhere in this body just hoping to break out in a fit of rage with Inglourious Basterds playing on the telly or is this the real me finally busting onto the stage I mean I always liked love stories and romantic comedies but maybe once or twice a year not every weekend. Last night I was watching ZombieLand with some friends at the Moonlight Cinema and when one of the main characters found himself talking about his son that he lost I found tears running down my face – “hmmm” I thought to myself “WTF when did this happen”.

And thinking further into this today I realised that my taste in films and books have changed, I suddenly started hiring romantic novels from the library and finding myself snuggled up on the couch on a rainy Sunday afternoon with a tub of chocolate ice cream and a box of tissues. I am more of a girl than even I knew it got me wondering how much I will annoy prospective boyfriends with my tastes at the local Blockbuster.

It will never cease to amaze me how much more in touch with my emotions I am now, from just the little things like having a conversation with a friend about something going on with them I find myself feeling the similar emotions to them as they explain there story, all I know is a cry at the drop of a hat.

It is interesting as well that I find myself easily stressed out and my mood can change from happy to completely distraught about something small or trivial in seconds, I remember thinking how crazy my sisters were when I was younger because they would go from nothing to mental in no time at all but I am starting to see this come out in my own persona now.

Being a Lady I do like to indulge in the finer things in life like long bathes in scented oils, massages and chocolate (okay that last one isn’t really well-being but hey). It is surprising however how many other things come with being a women that isn’t a problem for men, such as regular breast checks but not only are the physical changes important but the need to meet certain social expectations too. Just little things like having hairless legs and underarms was very new for me and I realised very quickly that in an Australian summer this is a requirement and not an option. Now as much as the waxing of legs and underarms is quite painful it is something that I must say after the fact I do like and find very sexy and there is nothing quite like putting on my favourite corset from LA, tight jeans and heading out on the town with friends as much as I transitioned for myself I do love the looks that guys give me when I get all dressed up on the town

This is the one might get a photo of me in it in the next couple of weeks

If anyone lives near hollwood and wants to buy me some clothes from Kitson’s or Frederick’s or for that matter Hollister Co. you would make this girl a very happy not to mention sexy. Anywho I have got side tracked where was I oh yeah social expectations….

Well I cant say that I have any real issues with the way women are expected to dress and present I happen to like felling sexy and getting the gazes of men it is really a bonus for a girl in my position who try extremely hard to fit in and pass, and the looks that you get from other women when you enter a bar and, your girls and you get a bit of attention is priceless.

My housemate has been invaluble in that sense she has helped me find a style and look that works for me all be it a very expensive style but she has definitely taught me the ropes like the cleavage OR legs rule and how fashion and looking sexy knows no pain. Thanks for that one ouch :~

I have for about 9 months now been a vegetarian not because I’m am trying to save the animals thing I still think that meat tastes awesome but because it is good for my health besides I still eat fish and have been known to on occasion be weak or forget lol like last weekend when my sister made bacon and eggs and I got stuck into the bacon until my sister said “aren’t you a vego” my reaction “OH Shit, f#*! damn it, oh but it taste so good” stupid sister pointing out my mistake man it tasted good. Apart from my Vego-ness I am also very cautious of drinking soft drink and eating lots of junk except chocolate LOL.

I have also taken up Yoga and Pilates as a way to stay fit without gaining muscle as well as toning up my legs and tummy. Plus the real beauty of Pilates is that it tones the body in a very feminine way. and that’s what we are after.

As for Jobs I guess this is a easy one for me because I am self employed but for other this is a very difficult thing unfortunately laws are sparse on what can and cant happen at a workplace regarding trans-people. For me there hasn’t been to many issues I have lost one or two clients total because of my transition and also had a few difficult months to with staff based on me coming out at work which I thought I should really do so that it was open and not a taboo subject. I have had more issues with getting my passport, name and licence changed to be honest. That was about 6 months of hell and I wouldn’t recommend the South Australian system to anyone, they were very narrow minded and need proof for everything like the girl standing in front of them claiming to be the guy in all the documents wasn’t enough. They wanted psychiatrist letters and proof that I had been living as a women for more than a year and this wasn’t even trying to change my gender on my passport and licence this was just the name. I am about to go through that process now, not looking forward to it.

It’s not hard for me to see where I fit in this world now, if you had asked me 3 years or more ago I wouldn’t have been able to answer you I was a confused girl stuck in a predominately male body felling very lost, I wasn’t sure that the place I am now was going to be any better and my support network of doctors at the time made it harder by giving open questions about the possibility that I might be gay or just different and being a girl would change anything. Well I am glad now I have come this far because if I hadn’t and I had listened to the psychiatrist I had at the time I know I wouldn’t have been as happy as I am now. I was unfortunately stuck in a position back then where I was scared to come out to everyone becuase I thought they wouldn’t understand for some that was true and others it wasn’t it was an eye opener though, it showed me who my real friends are and who were only interested when I fitted there closed minded mould.

I find that every day that goes by it gets easier for me to find my place, my family now excepts me for who I am now with the exception of my mum I know that she is okay with it but she is still struggling to let go of the old me. Just in the last couple of weeks we were at the beach with my sister, niece and parents. When I came took off my top and shorts with a bikini on underneath my mum went it a bit funny, she kind of gasped, it shocked me a little and I wasn’t sure what to say or do so I just ran for the water were my sister and niece joined me shortly after. My sister told me then that it is the first time she has seen me that naked since I started transition. I confronted mum when we were alone later in the afternoon, she apologised and said “I reminded her of my sisters when they were about 20 and she wasn’t expecting it” after quite a few tears and hugs she finally said “You are truly a young lady now I guess it’s time for me to except it” that meant a lot to me because it was the first time mum had said something positive about me since I began hormones. I have been thinking and it was probably quite a shock to her she doesn’t read my blog and she hasn’t seen a lot of me in the past few years because of my job and travels.

I find the different reactions to coming out as transsexual very interesting

My oldest Sister who didn’t believe me for the first year or so but eventually came round to it and is now great. To my other Sister who I told over Skype why I was in Los Angeles she was quite funny all she said was “Are you Sure” a few times and then she said “Okay if this is what you want your my little sis” that was nice and weird to hear, I mean my sister and I have always been the closest in the whole family but I didn’t expect that reaction or for it to be that easy she use to dress me up in her clothes when I was little and we always had a great time but I was about 5 yrs old at that stage, she was the first in the family I told and to hear her refer to me with the female pronoun was so new but made me feel at peace.

I told my Dad second on the way home from the airport on Christmas eve he loves his coffee and as a result he suggested that we stop for a coffee on the way home, pretty much as soon as we sat down at the table I just blurted I couldn’t handle keeping it to myself any more he was fantastic he asked a lot of questions and we were about 2 hours late home because of it but he got all his questions answered and I got the chance to really talk about how I have felt for so long. I really didn’t expect him to take to it so well but he was very cool. Dad and I have always been very close but I wasn’t sure about this one. He made me promise not to tell mum until after Christmas which I agreed which looking back that was probably quite a smart move, Mum didn’t take it as well as Dad it took her about 8 months to get use to the idea that she had no choice she bargained with me and sent me emails telling me that she did approve and I wasn’t the person she thought I was. She even asked my Psychiatrists to refuse me any more treatment which he didn’t do, after 8 long months of talking, lots of cry again LOL and my Dad working on her from his end she finally excepted she couldn’t change my mind and tried to get use to me being her third daughter. I sent her hundreds of emails and postcards when I went overseas again and she replied to almost all of them which made it much easier when I came back from working in South America. although again the way I looked was a bit of a shock to her.

My brother was completely different he kind of freaked out he called me all sorts of names and then didn’t talk to me for almost 6 months he was the last person I told in my family almost a 1 and half after the others because I knew he wouldn’t take it well and I also don’t get on that great with him, I mean the whole family has trouble with him.

I fell lucky to have such an excepting family, I don’t want it to come across as an easy journey to where I am now because that couldn’t be further from the truth, but having excellent support like my Sister and Dad really does help, my house mate and some of my friends have been fantastic too and I really couldn’t have got though it as level headed and with a fairly normal girls lifestyle without them.

Need hints on coming out let me know!

How did your family React? Did you have a hard time or was it smooth sailing?

Over the past few nights I have had the chance to talk to a few of my friends, after our catch ups I realised that a huge amount of me had changed since I started transitioning. I mean this in a emotional and mental sense and not a physical sense.

As you can see the physical side of me has changed dramatically. But as for the mental side I hadn’t really given it much thought I mean I was always quite an effeminate boy generally speaking, that’s not to say I didn’t do guy things but more along the lines of the fact I would more often than not be found playing with the girls, spending a lot of time talking to female friends in high school, or avoiding the more masculine games such as football or general roughness that most guys tend to get involved in.

After starting hormones I found that a lot of the emotional side that I had before seemed to become amplified, I am generally quite a controlled person but after being on hormones even only after a few months I started to notice that I was less in control of my moods than I was before, and tears seem to flow a lot easier than they had previously. To begin with I put this down to being overly emotionally attached to the fact that I had finally started hormones and my journey towards correcting the wrongs of my birth were finally starting to be righted. But after about 6 months I began to realise that this was all apart of my body changing and the new me was a lot more in touch with my inner self, it’s quite funny when you start out down the transition path you seldom realise how much of a toll hormones will take on ones body, its not until you are well down the path that you begin to see the effects that the hormones really have asides from the outwardly obvious boobs and soft skin.

At the beginning of my journey it was not uncommon to find me lusting over some girl or admiring her beautiful body as I gazed up and down her curves with longing jealousy. It now seems almost a life time ago that I would have these feelings take over me and fill me with such relish and discomfort. I find it almost bewildering to imagine that once I wanted nothing more than to have a naked girl lying next to me in bed while I coursed my hands over her silky skin and supple breasts. The thought of this now almost seems wrong or at least taboo, I wonder to myself what rewiring in the brain must have gone on because of the oestrogen coursing through my veins all these years. Can a lack of testosterone in ones body really have this vast effect on my mind, body and soul?

I think back to the first 6 or so months of hormones and I realised that during this time my sex drive went from that of a horny straight 16year old boy, to very much non existent for at least the first 1 and a half years of HRT.

I recall waking up one day mid-ish 2003 and feeling the overwhelming need for sexual release, after trying for quite some time I had what I consider to be my first orgasm as a women the tingling of my skin and muscles all over my body was such an earth shaking experience and lasted for well over a minute, I was indeed please and relieved to be finally able to express my desires as a women.

Intriguingly over the coming years I became more and more attracted to men, as I mentioned before my sexual preference was always women previously in fact I actually found the thought of being with a man repulsive and terrifying but this all changed. I still haven’t been able to pin point the period when everything reversed but all I know is that the feeling I get from being in a man’s arm is so different than with a women, whether its the feeling of being safe or the fact that they make me feel small I am not sure but I went from being weirded out about talking guys with my girlfriends to wanting too or needing too.

My mum still is uneasy about the change, I am not sure if this is because she worries for my safety or if she just sees this as another nail in the coffin on her previously son’s journey to womanhood. As I write this I feel sadden knowing that no matter how hard I try or how much I look and feel like a woman there will always be aspects of my life that I am still seen as a man, my mother for instance I love her to death but she struggles to let go of my past and see me for me, its not to hard on me because I know that she just wants the best for me and she knew from the start that this isn’t an easy lifestyle choice if you can call it that at all…

I guess the hardest part is where I have come from I will always feel as though I missed out on a lot of what I was entitled to as a little girl, such as primary school and the like. Plus I know that no matter how much surgery I have and how many drugs I take I will never know what its like to be pregnant or give birth…

I will leave it there before I get to emotional and bore you all to death.

Please comment me know if you would like to hear more or want to know about stuff I haven’t yet got into

If you haven’t seen it yet it is surely a movie you should see in the cinemas in full 3D.

Now although some of you may not like the idea I am sure others will love it, I have been considering doing a few nude photo shoots for the fans that are willing to pay.

For those of you that cringe at the idea, you are more than welcome to help me out by donating to the Viola Boobs Fund by clicking on the “Donate” button to the right. By doing this I may be able to keep my clothes on a little longer which would be nice.

I need about $8,000 total to afford the Boobs of my dreams, for you guys from the UK, US, and Europe remember the exchange rate works in my favour so every dollar counts and I am eternally great full.

I will be beginning to design a Pay-section to this website in the near future in the hope that I can get enough money to have the surgery next year ASAP it will more than likely be updated daily updated with more about me and lots of adults only content. I’m hoping to keep my image as this sweet green eyed young trans-girl, all while letting you guys take a peek into my real life and let all of you get to know the real me.

I am so excited about my life right now and I seriously cant wait to share this experience with everyone of you!

Hugs

-Vi

So here goes:

Yes is the simple answer to the question above but there is so much more to it so read on.

Hormones and Fertility

In the case of a Male to Female transsexual it is very possible to still ejaculate while still on hormones, although there have been many articles written and cases presented it has been recently proven that in most cases it is possible to produce seamen while on hormones and even after many years on hormones it is possible to regain almost all lost fertility by stopping anti-androgens for a short period of time. in saying this I will point out that in most cases however after a few months on hormones there is little or no semen produced by the body and from 6 to 12 months some individuals also struggle to get erections even with manual stimulation.

In the case of the transsexual models or “Shemales” seen in porn and adult entertainment a lot of these girls are either no longer taking hormones or on such low dosages that the effects on erections and fertility are diminished.

It should be noted that in some rare cases the loss of semen production by the body can never be regained and is for this reason that sperm banks are recommended for everyone who would like to have children one day and want to transition.

Sex and Erections

Again this is much dependant on the amounts of hormones being taken, erections have been proven to rely heavily on a mental state of mind this is not to say that hormones don’t have an effect but rather that the female hormones that are coursing through ones body are more than likely to be effecting the brain and the way the brain signals for erections, this is much the same as Viagra because alone Viagra will not have any effect but with manual stimulation Viagra has proven to increase strength and longevity of an erection.

Personally I haven’t had an erection for two years until just recently the changes in my penis and testicles size have been dramatic to say the least but I still wish that my penis was smaller than it is. When I began my transition to womanhood my erect penis measured 8 1/2 inches from the tip to the base when measured on the top and about 5 inches flaccid, now after transition and my lack of erections it measures about 3 inches flaccid and maybe 5 inches erect.

After my recent orchiectomy it was the first time in 2 years I had been erect, I must admit that it is also the first time in a while that I have been off hormones for a extended period. but given the lack of testosterone in my body after my orchiectomy I was surprised and disgusted to see a stiffy down there.

Before my orchiectomy my testicles had also shrunk to the size of large raisin, which meant that any semen that I did have wasn’t much.

I personally haven’t had sex but it is quite obvoius that it is possible and that semen is still available during transition.

Pregnancy

Because of the lower sperm count the chances of impregnating a girl is reasonably lower but still quite possible. I a women was to have unprotected sex with a transsexual it wouldn’t be that unreasonable to expect to get pregnant even with lower sperm and testosterone and high levels of estrogen.

There have been few recorded cases of pregnancy to trans-women, and even a few to trans-men.

Lactation

The breasts of a transsexual woman are in fact quite capable of producing milk lactating given the breasts has developed internal structure and there is physical, hormonal, psychological stimulation for production of milk.

Microgest & Motilium are both needed as part of a lactation regime now although I will probably get many comments about this it is a great way to gain some extra breast tissue and if lactating tickles your fancy then this is a great way to start.

For those of you who would like to give this a try, ask your endocrinologist like I did or if you want to do it on your own try following these steps:

1. Be Patient and setup a schedule, as this will take 6 to 9 months for most transsexual women if you are under 25 it may be much shorter.
2. Regularly massage and need your breasts for at least 3 months, and wtart taking Motilium tablets per day during this first 3 months and 1 Microgest tablet per day.
3. Up the Motilium dosage to 4 tablets per day after the first 3 months continue with 1 Microgest tablet per day.
4. get yourself a electronic breast pump used to express breast milk.
5. Relax for 15 minutes before expressing, watch TV, listen to music, try to avoid alcohol as it constricts veins.
6. Try to minimize distractions – take the phone off the hook, etc.
7. Try to express milk in a familiar and comfortable setting – privacy and comfortable seating promotes relaxation, which enhances let-down.
8. Follow a pre-expression routine: Use warmth to relax and stimulate milk flow by applying a warm compress to your breasts for 5 minutes or putting a warm wrap around your shoulders;  relax with deep breathing and visualizations.
9. Encourage milk let-down by using an oxytocin nasal spray 2 or 3 minutes before using the breast pump – costly but worth it.
10. Think about babies – look at pictures of a baby and imagine him at your breast while you are expressing your milk or if it is for sexual arousal let your mind wonder to what ever turns you on about lactating.
11. Before pumping stimulate your breasts and nipples through massage as shown in the pictures above or by using a circular motion around your breasts, remember this should fell good.
12. While pumping help “push” the milk towards the nipple – place your thumb opposite the fingers on either side of the areola (positioned as the pump allows), then rhythmically press your hand in towards your chest, gently squeezing the thumb and forefinger together.  Rotate the fingers to get all the milk ducts.  With practice you can do both breasts simultaneously.
13. Interrupt your pumping several times to pause and massage your breasts more.
14. This must be done a maximum of every 2 to 6 hours once you have started lactating, so your body will continue to product milk.

If you have a partner or friend who is interested in joining you in this experience let them massage and suck on your breasts as often as possible as it will make a huge difference.

I hope this clears up a few questions, please comment if you have any more or want to offer your opinion

Speaking from personal experiences I felt as if I couldn’t start soon enough. And the longer that I left it meant the longer I would struggle with who I was and the more masculine I was becoming.

In Australia we are then faced with two options, see a doctor and use the professional and in my view safest road.
Or Obtain hormones through other means such as the internet, black market, etc.

I know myself I fell for the easy way out when I was 16 and used an online pharmacy to get my hormones. Although this meant that I didn’t need to see doctors and come out as such, it meant that I was all alone and had to find as much information as possible regarding correct dosages and what hormones to buy.

This is completely from a MtF perspective as from what I understand the drugs used to transition from FtM are Illegal to import with out a prescription where as the MtF drugs aren’t.

If you are intent in pursuing a self medication path I would strongly recommenced reading as much as possible about the outcomes and side effects of the medication you intend on buying. including my previous posts on obtaining hormones over the internet the do’s and dont’s guide.

After self medicating on hormones until I was 16 I had developed quite a lot of female characteristics and was now at a stage that I could no longer hide the effects of hormones, it was also at this stage that I ran into some money troubles and could no longer afford the cost of hormones and life in general.

I had no choice but to stop taking the hormones until I could again afford to, by then it was 1 and a 1/2 years later and I had grow up some and decided that it was now time to bite the bullet and get up the guts to go and see a doctor. After two sessions with my GP and 3 sessions with a Psychiatrists – Dr Robert Lyons I finally got to see a Endocrinologist and I was on hormones again. I should note that this took around 8 mouths to get to here from my first doctors appointment.

I’m not sure if it is different in other states but from talking to others in South Australia this seems to be about the normal amount of time.
I have now been on hormone a total of 5 years with an Endocrinologist monitoring my progress.

I would have to say from my experience that the earlier you start the better as I started just when I was going through puberty and it stopped any more progression of masculinity.

But I would also highly recommend seeking professional help, mainly because there are so many variables when it comes to hormones that it is best to manage your hormone levels correctly.
I hope that my post can help others and that some of you will write about your experiences and thoughts when it comes to hormones.

Any FtM opinions would be appreciated…

Orchiectomy

Lets start off with the big one, 8 days ago I had an Orchiectomy.

For those of you that are un farmiliar with Orchiectomy’s it is the removal of the testicles. The penis and the scrotum, the pouch of skin that holds the testicles, are left intact. An orchiectomy is done to stop most of the body’s production of testosterone.

Now the actual procedure it self was very quick and I was in and out of hospital in just over half a day, I have been off my feet most of the week but am finally starting to move around again and expect it to be a week or so before I am fully back to normal.

I would say that out of everything that I have done so far this has had the most dramatic effect on me. I am not sure if its the fact that I have now been off of hormones for 3 weeks and have suddenly realised the lack of testosterone in my body or if it is just finally being rid of them. All I can say is I am very happy and couldn’t be happier right now. For any of you out there considering having a orchiectomy my advice is do it and I promise you wont regret it.

Breast Implants

Yes that’s right I’m talkin about breast again and more specifically breast implants, after months of deliberation I have decided that it is time to get breast implants! I haven’t made a date with the surgeon yet because I am still researching for the best surgeon, but once I know which doctor I am going to use I don’t plan on wasting any time. One thing I do know is they are expensive and right now with all my other expenses I cant afford them.

If any of you nice readers out there would like to sponsor a lovely young lady to get the implants of her dreams please email me: viola@violaadams.com or click the donate button in the sidebar >>>>

^ Help me make these larger ^

I will be eternally grateful for any donations, and will definitely make it worth your while. Your wish will be my command!

Facial Feminisation Surgery (FFS)

Where to begin, wow I have had a lot done this year and although I haven’t shown you all yet I have been happy with the results so far. My Facial Feminisation Surgery (FFS) went great it now seems all a distant memory but looking back it was only the end of July that I had it done and now that all the swelling is finally gone and the blood shot eyes are back to there normal radiant green I once again feel I can meet the world in a expectable Vi manner. I had the works Rhinoplasty (Nose Job), Chin, Thyroid cartilage Reduction, Cheek Surgery, Forehead, and Brow Positioning and more that I cant think of the names of. This was quite a trip for me as I decided to go all the way to the USA to see Dr. Douglas Ousterhout in San Francisco, although I am a seasoned traveller being away from my family and home while feeling quite poor and lonely after the surgery was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done… But I must say totally worth it for the results which I hopefully will have some photos of in the next few days, if I can find my digital camera which I some how hid from myself in a place of which I am unsure exists after spending 4 hours looking for it tonight, I had planed to post them with this post but it isn’t looking good for my readers today I am sorry to say.

But anywhos… the surgery was painful and long and the recovery was even worse but after a long month on the road to recovery and a great deal of heart break I was in an emotional wreck from the lack of hormones, I actually pulled through and hey you know what that Dr. Ousterhout seems to have know what he was doing because for the first time in well I don’t know how long but lets say at least 10years I can look in the mirror and actually be happy with the girl that now stares back. So here is another recommendation if you are looking to get FFS and you are able to get yourself to San Fran then do it, I mean this Dr. Ousterhout bloke wont be around forever.

Hormones

You know here I was going to write about how hard it has been being off of hormones, but after the past few hours of hunting for that damn camera I have come to realise that since the orchiectomy hormones haven’t really been an issue, yes when I went to have my FFS I was bouncing off the walls from all the testosterone suddenly coursing through my body and by the time I actually got to San Francisco I was so warn out and been off hormones for a month that I would have been like Cruella de Vil on crack, I mean really have you ever walked up to a girl that is about to start her period and called her fat and ugly and hoped for a good outcome well for me at this stage I thought that everyone was out to get me and everyone was calling me fat and ugly so I will just take this opportunity to say sorry to the people of California for being a bitch.

That said within about 4days of being back on hormone once I was back in Australia it was business as usual and as far as I was concerned I wasn’t willing to stop hormones again, well that was until 3 weeks ago when I had to stop again in order to have the orchiectomy, and I would have to say other than the pain I haven’t felt like I have needed hormones since. That’s not to say that I wont be going back on them it just surprises me that I can be off of them for this long and not be angry and grumpy and upset and crying and lonely and hot and cold and well you get the picture…

I guess I will just have to wait and see how I feel in two weeks time from now seeing as I still have another three weeks before I am allowed to start hormones again.

Well I guess by now I have been rambling for quite sometime and you are probably completely lost, like my camera.

But this is Vi signing off on another post and asking you,

What would you do to match the person you see in you head with the person you are on the outside?

Why do people need to change gender?

What an erection feels like is very difficult to put into words as it doesnt feel pleasurable in itself. It’s just a hard tight feeling that breaks your concentration and makes you restless and gives one an almost overwhelming desire to either have sex or masturbate. You only get pleasurable feelings, when its manipulated or touched. For a lot of transsexuals an erection is one of the most embarrassing and confronting things that can happen, I know personally that the feelings of an erection use to make me feel dirty and disgusted with my body, for some they would go as far as to mutilate them selves because of such events.

There are two main reasons for having a sex change or sexual reassignment surgery:

1. Newborns with inter-sex deformities – Deformities present intermediate stages between the primordial female genitals and the change into male ones caused by male hormone stimulation and one sex or the other needs to be assigned quite early on.
2. The patient desires the change – Some men or women believe that they are physically a different sex to the one that they are mentally and emotionally and this discord is sometimes so profound they wish to be surgically changed.

Technical considerations favour conversion from a male to a female and newborns with ambiguous organs will almost always be changed to the female sex except in the case where the penis is at least one inch long. Regardless of their chromosomes they are much more likely to be become socially well adjusted females even they will not be able to have children that they would be well adjusted males.

What Is Sex Change Surgery?

Sex change surgery which is technically known as sex reassignment surgery is a procedure that changes the genital organs from one gender to another.

Safety Measures

Sexual identity is probably the most profound characteristic that humans have and if a change needs to be made then it is highly preferable that it is done as soon as possible after birth.

By the time most adults decide on surgery they have lived for many years in there birth gender and according to studies the average age is 29 years old. Even after having lived with the said dissonance for such an extended period of time the person may not be fully aware of the implications of changing their sex and in depth psychological counselling should both precede and follow all procedures.

Additionally it is preferable that the patient will have the support of family and friends after the surgery to help him or her to adjust to the new identity.

In Australia although there are vastly varying theory’s from state to state and doctor to doctor, it will take no less than 2 years to be eligible for SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery).

This is made up of a minimum of 3 months intensive psychiatric evaluation before going on hormonal reassignment, then a minimum of 1 year living in your chosen gender also know as the real life test.

After which according to the Harry Benjamin standards of care you will need not one but two psychiatrists letters of recommendation to proceed with surgical reassignment.

The Sugery

MALE TO FEMALE

Changing the male to female anatomy requires removal of the penis and some reshaping of the genital tissue in order to make it appear more female and also the structuring of a vagina. A vagina can generally be successfully formed from with either a skin graft or an isolated loop of intestine.

Before and after the surgery, female hormones (estrogen) are generally given to reshape the body’s contours and to help grow satisfactory breasts.

FEMALE TO MALE

Due to the difficulty of building a functioning penis from the much smaller clitoral tissue available in the female genitals, female to male surgery has been far less successful and penis construction is not attempted until at least a year after the preliminary surgery to remove the female organs.

Studies suggest that around a third of patients would not undergo the surgery again even though they were all pleased with the change of sex. In addition to the genital organs the breasts also need to be surgically altered to give a more masculine appearance and this can be done quite successfully.

Angel Paris-Jordan – Born A Boy had SRS at 17

Orgasm?

An orgasm, or at least a reasonable degree of erogenous sensitivity can be experienced by most patients after the surgery.

What Are The Risks

As with all surgery there are the risks of infection and bleeding and the most common complication following male to female surgery is a narrowing of the new vagina.

As this is an irreversible procedure two letters of therapy clearance are required. One therapist (a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker or sexologist) must have a doctoral degree and one of the two therapists must have known the patient for an extended period of time.

Sex change surgery, more appropriately known as sex reassignment surgery (SRS) or gender reassignment surgery (GRS), is the final stage in the physical transitioning of a transsexual or transgendered male-to-female or female-to-male. SRS is a surgical procedure that entails removing the genitalia of one sexand constructing genital organs of the opposite sex. The procedure meets with high rates of success when performed by responsible and experienced surgeons, particularly for male-to-female procedures. Surgery of this type has been performed for 50 or more years and, while the number is much lower than in the 1970s, more than 25 male-to-female SRSs are performed each week in North America alone. When done by experts, orgasm, or at least “a reasonable degree of erogenous sensitivity,” can be experienced by individuals who have undergone SRS.

To help the transgendered individual cope with the multitude of psychophysiological issues involved with their gender identity, experts recommend the support of a broad range of skilled professionals well versed in gender identityissues. Ideally, these professionals-which could include a general practitioner, surgeon, psychiatrist, psychologist, and endocrinologist–would work independently as well as cooperatively to provide the client and his or her family members with a fully-informed support network to help them through the manydifferent stages and phases of adjustment. The psychosocial as well as physiological adaptation process may take several years, even after SRS is successfully completed.

Apart from the surgery itself, changing gender identity requires unique social, legal, and hormonal involvement. The entire process is often referred to as “sexual transitioning,” as it truly does require a transition over time. Social reassignment, which is often highly recommended before the individual commits to SRS, entails living and working for perhaps two years as if the individual were already a member of the opposite sex. This often gives some indication of the possible success-emotionally and psychologically-of SRS.

Hormonal reassignment usually takes place before SRS is decided upon. For male-to-female transsexuals, estrogen therapy helps suppress the physical male characteristics and encourages physical female characteristics. Electrolysis of facial and bodily hair is still necessary, however, as estrogen does not halt hair growth. While treatment of female-to-male transsexuals with androgensdoes lower the pitch in voice, estrogen does not raise the voice pitch in the male-to-female transsexual. In order to ensure the SRS candidate is fully aware that some irreversible changes will occur even with hormone therapy alone, and that often difficult psychological changes will be experienced, initiation of psychological counseling is highly recommended beginning six months prior to the initiation of hormone therapy and continuing through the entire SRS process.

From a legal aspect, in the Australia, changing ones’ sex legally simply means having one’s birth certificate changed to match their new chosen gender. In other countries, the procedure is much more complicated.

Most surgeons who perform SRS have very strict requirements and protocols. For example, many surgeons require two legitimate psychiatric evaluations from either psychiatrists or psychologists recognized or licenses in the field ofgender identity. These evaluations must state that the individual is an appropriate candidate for SRS or, indeed, even for breast augmentation (if from male-to-female). One surgeon from Wisconsin is hesitant to even schedule a consultation to discuss the procedure unless the candidate has had at least ninemonths of counseling and psychiatric evaluation. Under some protocols, the candidate is required to meet eligibility criteria for sexual reassignment as listed in the DSM IV, ICD 10. Even then, the surgeon retains the right to have the final consultation with the candidate the day prior to surgery. Ensuring the candidate is absolutely certain about their choice is critical, for oncethe surgery has been performed, it is totally irreversible.

Once the decision has been made and the surgeon is satisfied the candidate is psychologically as well as physically eligible, lab work and an HIV test isdone. It is not unusual for a surgeon to refuse surgery to anyone with HIV, herpes, or any other form of venereal disease. Overweight and obese people arepoor candidates, and are often refused. Because loss of blood is common, patients may be advised to donate two units of their own blood, to be transfusedback following the surgery. Following an interview during which the client is fully informed of the procedures involved in surgery and the implications of its irreversible nature, the client signs a written consent for treatment by all individuals involved in the procedure. Once again, psychological treatment that runs parallel to the entire process is highly recommended.

In the case of male-to-female SRS, some surgeons recommend the cessation of hormone therapy for three weeks prior to the surgery itself. It appears that the female hormones in the genetic female have a blood clotting action that isnot present when a genetic male takes female hormones, increasing the risk of severe bleeding. As stated earlier, male-to-female GRS is considerably moreeffective and successful than female-to-male GRS. The male-to-female procedure can take anywhere from three to five hours, depending upon whether additional skin grafts are required.

The goal of male-to-female SRS is to create female sexual organs that look asnatural as possible and that allow as much sexual arousal as possible. Thisincludes removal of the penile muscle and tissue, the testicles, and reshaping external genitalia to appear female and natural. It also involves creatinga vagina, one deep enough to allow satisfactory intercourse for those who desire intercourse. SRS is therefore cosmetic as well as constructive.

Several techniques can be used to create the vagina; however, the most favored and least invasive technique is using the inverted skin of the penis to line the newly created vaginal cavity. An incision is made from the base to thehead of the penis, and the skin is peeled away from the shaft while remainingattached to the torso. In many procedures, a portion of the penis head (theglans) with its nerve supply in tact is formed into a clitoris. This technique preserves sexual stimulation and enjoyment. If the penis is long enough, noadditional skin grafts will be necessary. If the penis is short, a skin graft will be necessary to line the deepest part of the vaginal cavity. This skinmay be taken from the lower flanks, sides, or above the pubic bone. Unfortunately, this will leave scarring. It is sometimes possible to use the scrotalskin, but all hair must have been removed by several electrolysis treatmentsprior to surgery to prevent hair growth inside the vagina at a later date.

In another type of procedure, the vagina is created using what are called “full thickness” skin grafts. These grafts are obtained from hairless portions of the sides or flanks and the penile skin is then used to create the labia minora and the scrotum skin to create the labia majora. The width and dept of the vagina are usually greater than with the inverted penile skin, and the newvagina has less of a tendency to shrink over time.

Rectosigmoid vaginoplasty utilizes a piece of the rectosigmoid colon insteadof skin grafts or inverted penile tissue. This technique allows for the creation of a deep and lubricated vagina, but is a more invasive and dangerous procedure and rarely the technique of choice.

To keep the new vagina from closing, a balloon-type device called a vaginal stent is inserted and remains in place for the length of the hospital stay, which averages around six days with complete bed rest. Demerol or morphine areusually given intravenously to ease the pain, and the surgical area is kept packed with ice to decrease swelling and bleeding. Because the entire reconstructive procedure cannot be performed in one operation, many individuals choose to have a second operation three months later to enhance the cosmetic appearance of the labia and clitoris.

The most common complication of male-to-female surgery is the strong tendencyfor the vagina to shrink and eventually obliterate itself. Surgery to correct the situation is more difficult and extensive than the initial procedure. It involves making incisions in the inverted penile skin and inserting full thickness skin grafts.

Patients should return to their surgeon for six-month, 12-month, and 24-monthassessment, and seek routine examinations for any particular personal problem that may arise. Follow-up assessments are important to track the social andpsychological development of the individual. Also following surgery, the patient will return to the female hormone regimen, which will continue to reshape the body to a more feminine contour and encourage the growth of breasts. (If larger breasts are desired, saline-filled breast implants can be inserted through an incision along the border of the areola under the breast tissue andthe pectoralis major muscles.) The hormone regimen will continue for the rest of the individual’s life, and the individual should obtain check-ups at least annually.

To enhance their overall femininity, the male-to-female transsexual may alsodecide to have a “cosmetic thyroid cartilage reduction” (tracheal shaving), which reshapes the Adam’s Apple, making it inconspicuous. Also, several voicemodification techniques are available to help raise the pitch of the voice for a more feminine tone. One common and perhaps the safest technique is a “cricothyroid approximation (CTA). In this procedure, the Adam’s Apple is pushedagainst the cricoid cartilage to which it is then stitched. This puts pressure on the vocal cords, tightening them and raising their pitch. This is a reversible procedure, and is of little risk to the vocal chords because the larynx is not involved. However, the permanence of this procedure remains to be determined.

Laser assisted voice adjustment (LAVA) is another option. This endoscopic surgery is irreversible and still considered experimental; however, it has shownsome success in raising the frequency of the male-to-female transsexual’s voice by as much a 100 Hz. The procedure involves reducing the thickness of thevocal chords with a carbon dioxide laser. Reduction in the vocal chord mass,and because as the vocal chords stiffen as they heal, cause they vibrate faster once healed, creating a higher pitch. Drawbacks to this procedure are thepossibility of permanent hoarseness, bleeding, swollen airways that may require hospitalization, and sore throat.

Other surgical procedures may also be considered, such as reshaping of the chin and cheeks, forehead contouring, and rib removal.

Female-to-male surgery has achieved lesser success, due to the difficulty ofbuilding a functioning penis from the much smaller clitoral tissue availablein the female genitals. In some instances, simply removing the breasts adequately satisfies the female-to-male transsexual. Others use a prosthetic penisthat is either glued or strapped on, while yet others choose to undergo a phalloplasty (plastic surgery to attach a penis). Penis construction is not attempted less than a year after the preliminary surgery during which the uterusand ovaries are removed. The procedure entails several surgeries during whicha tube-shaped structure is constructed by peeling and rolling skin from theabdomen or upper thigh and ultimately attaching it over the clitoris to preserve as much sexual stimulation as possible. This procedure often creates unsatisfactory urination ability and, while the penis can be used for intercourse, it is less than perfect. However, the presence of a penis is often highly important to the individual’s overall concept of their body image. While one study in Singapore found that a third of individuals who underwent female-to-male SRS would not choose to do so again, they were all pleased with the reassignment of their gender.

Whether the transition if male-to-female, or female-to-male, once the GRS hasbeen completed continued counseling and social support, particularly from the family, is highly important to enable the individual to readjust in societyas a member of his or her chosen sex. If the individual were socially or emotionally unstable before the operation, more than 30 years of age, or had anunsuitable body build for the new sex, they tend to do less well. In no casestudied did the procedure diminish their ability to work, however.

How To Get a Sex Change

There are different levels of change when it comes to the transgendered. For those who identify with the other gender and want to change their sex, there does not have to be surgery. For this article, the steps help you get a sex change, before you decide whether to go under the knife or not.

1. Make the decision. The choice to change your sex and gender is a tough one. You might face rejection from all sides – your family, friends, coworkers and lovers. You need to consider how the decision will impact your life then make the choice and move on with it.
2. Change your exterior persona. An essential part of a sex change is the outward appearance. Change your wardrobe and hair to fit your new gender role. If you are changing to the female sex, then you will need to take the additional steps of hair removal and makeup. Once you have the wardrobe and style change you might need to practice walking, posture and attitude to suit your new gender assignment.
3. Educate yourself. Learn about the sex change and transgender community by reading and listening to as much transgender materials as you can get your hands on. Get in touch with the community, join a support group and learn about gender reassignment. Talking with others who have been where you are will help you make the change and help you decide if you want to take the sex change to the next level and have sex reassignment surgery.
4. Accept your choice and how it impacts your life. Now that you have made the choice and started to get educated about what it means to the rest of your life, it is time for acceptance. By now you should be experiencing at least some reaction from those closest to you. From this you will hopefully begin to either accept your choice or at least decide how you will help them with the transition.
   
   
5. Integrate the change into your life. For a full sex change you cannot be another gender part of the time. The change will eventually need to become part of your life and be integrated into all facets of life. This means that if you took the earlier steps only in your private life or without your family, this step moves your change into those parts of life you avoided earlier. Prepare your employer for the change and let your family know you will be a new gender at the next get family together.
6. Live the life. To be sure that the sex change is for you, you should live the life. Spend at minimum twelve months living a full life with your gender change. For this period of adjusting to your new life, you should avoid making any other major changes including career or family changes to allow your time to process. You should also avoid starting a new love relationship during this period.
7. Decide if you want to make the change permanent. After making the change and living the life, you can now decide whether you want to have sexual reassignment surgery to make the sex change permanent.

Sex changes are traumatic even without sex reassignment surgery. Follow these steps to begin a sex change

I realise that the hosting for my site has been a bit crappy so I am moving it to a new host tonight, please be patient with a few hiccups and I will endeavour to have everything working perfect in the next 12 hours.

I promise to have a great post for you all as soon as I am up and running again, the next post will be:

Sex change, Orchiectomy, Breast Implants, Facial Feminisation Surgery, Hormones and more – The Viola Story

Thanks again to all my readers

-Vi

But it has me wondering what’s next I mean I haven’t been in a relationship since 2004 and I wonder if I am now ready for it.

This is something that has puzzled me for sometime.. simply due to my own experiences with such people..

But I am wanting to hear back from guys specifically, who want to date transgendered women and get some input into the “whys”, and “hows” of what makes a transgendered woman ’specifically’, attractive, and prospective in terms of relations.

I mean I was out the other night and a guy friend said to me jokingly “You know this is hard for me to say, but my mind is thinking one thing and my Dick is thinking something else” now I should explain that this particular guy has know me as a guy and a girl and as so has been really supportive over the transition years. But a comment like this had me really puzzled, I mean what he had just said was that he was attracted to me but his brain would never let it happen, now in this situation this wasn’t a bad thing I mean he is a great guy but not exactly boyfriend material for this girl anyways. I guess in a roundabout kind of way I wondered if this was the same for all guys and for those who transgender-ness wasn’t an issue for what was different or how did they get past it. I mean I know I have been told that alot of guys see trans-women are more obviously feminine, whereas genetic women, are not so aware? does this mean that guys like us less or more?? My understanding is this:  It might wrong in the man’s mind to use, abuse, cheat-on, or otherwise treat a genetic-woman like a non-person, but since a trans-woman was born a man it is in their mind perfectly acceptable.

My own theory goes a bit like this… There is a some of men who enjoy a challenge of their masculinity… And others who have homosexual tendancies that they feel more comfortable expressing with trans-women.

But I guess at the end of the day I wonder if there really is my one true love out there, then again my house mates motto could always be true “True love only happens once in a lifetime, where as bacon can happen 7 times a day if you want it to” on the other hand he is a bit of a bacon nut.

What are your thoughts? can you some it up better? Or do you have your own theory? Feel free to leave your comments below!

In saying that I also understand the need to start hormones and the urgency and difficulties that seeking medical help can pose!

Before you begin, there are several important issues that will help you transition in a safe way. For the sake of brevity, the list of do’s and don’ts below will provide you with the best possible outcome:

• Do not take (The Pill) hormone medication prescribed for birth control and genetic females.
• Do not rely on phytoestrogens (herbal hormones) and varying extracts as an appropriate feminizing therapy. There is no measurable feminization from these supplements. While nutrients and supplements do have a place as an adjunct to healthy living, use of these non-pharmaceutical grade phytoestrogen products, especially in large dose amounts, does raise health safety concerns amongst many medical professionals.
• If purchasing medication through mail order and Internet businesses,  deal with a known and reputable supplier.  If possible have the necessary blood monitoring and medical oversight. Proper medical management not only avoids unnecessary health risks, but assures that you are sufficiently feminizing.
• All regimens are not equal.  Poor results are often attributed by patients as being their fault and consequently settle for less than optimal feminization and/or harmful side effects.
• If you decide to manage your own feminizing therapies, at the very least, seek periodic check-ups at a local walk-in clinic.
• If you decide to undergo hormone treatment, think through your options and desires for having children as prolonged hormone therapy will likely render you irreversibly sterile—and castration will certainly render you irreversibly sterile.  Sperm banking is an option to protect the future opportunity to have children, however sperm banking can be expensive and there is no complete assurance that you will be able to reproduce. In Australia the cost of a sperm bank are around $600 for the initial consult and $300 for every 6months of storage.

The first step in feminizing therapy is determining what you want to achieve, at what speed, and what health considerations may play a factor in the process.

Ordering online or by mail

This is an increasingly popular option, though you need to take a few extra steps if you are trying to keep this from others finding out.

1. Choosing a shipping address

Friend or relative, someone you absolutely trust, you might consider this option, but I do not recommend it.

Post Office Box

This is a great way to monitor the mail and packages you receive, Australia post have post office boxes in ever post office and for around $75 a year, it is a cheap way to have peace of mind. You can even have them send you sms’s to let you know that you have mail. As far as I am aware there is no minimum age to get a box but you will need a photo ID.

2. Choosing an online pharmacy

I use – Inhouse Pharmacy
http://www.inhousepharmacy.com

They have also written up a good overview on hormones:
http://www.inhousepharmacy.com/transgender/transgender.html

DO NOT order anything from the following disreputable websites:

http://www.crissywild.com

http://www.albany-gender-clinic.com

They are designed to rip off older crossdressers.

CAUTION – Check your countries customs laws before ordering!!!

A General Guide To Preoperative Treatment:

Estradiol:

8 to 10 mg (sublingual) daily.

Finasteride:

6 mg Propecia (divided, morning and evening) or 5mg Proscar am

Spironolactone:

100 mg to 200 mg divided dose, morning and evening

Progestin:

5 to 10 mg daily for 10 days of the month (optional)

Thats right the big snip and it has left me wondering if this is really the path I want to go down, after talking to many pre and post op girls over the past few months I am left with two trains of thoughts.

1. I want to have this done because its the last remaining part of me that is a constant reminder of where I have come from and how much of a repulsion that part of me is.
2. What will my romantic life be after I have the surgery.

My main reason for asking this of myself is that so many have said that there love life was so much better before they had the surgery and a few girls have even said that they are treated as more of a freak now than they were before.

I know that this is more than likely just nerves and that I am just being silly but I cant help but think this is probably one of the biggest decisions I can make in my life.

I know in the past that guys have said that I looked cute with a little thing hanging between my legs, but does this mean I wouldn’t be as appealing with a vagina.

oh such confusion…

somebody clear up the mess in my head for me!